Monday, June 13, 2005

R. Kelly - "U Saved Me"

I was riding in my car one day
In the express lane rollin on the freeway
And suddenly the phone rings then I
Reached down beside me then i look
On the floor felt on the backseat
See I was drinking while I was driving
Never thinking bout what I was doing
I turned around and before i knew it
Here comes this truck now

Doctor said don't think he gonna make it
Family said make the funeral arrangements
Unplug the machine he's gone now
Then told my wife to be strong now
Then a small voice said told me
If you promise to stop drinking
I surrendered on that day
Now for ten years i've been straight

You saved me [4x]
Gave me a second chance
You saved me [3x]
You saved me

Now i've been sitting in this chair
Waiting on the phone to ring
Praying up to God that someone will call
Me with a job opening
Cause it's been so hard for me
Month to month struggling to eat
But still there was no answer
I stop believing in his word and
Got so mad at him and
When somebody said God's good
I just laugh at 'em

But in the nick of time his blessing
Rain on me
By his grace the phone ring
A lady said were hiring and
That's when I knew

You saved me [4x]

Now i was 18 out there on the block
Selling drugs
With a gun at my waist
And for people I had no love
See the streets was my home
Family and friends were all gone
Had no one to trust
And deep inside i was all alone
And a deal went bad one day
And it was enough to pause me
I was shot 4 times and before i
Knew it I was on my knees

Blood pushin out my body
My heart's beating faster don't know what i'm gonna do
I don't think i'm gonna last then
I begain to flash back on the things
I done in my past
Then I heard a small voice that said
I'll give you peace if you believe
I accepted Christ that day
Hallelujah now i'm free

You saved me [4x]

I was in the aisle of the grocery store
With a pain in my chest and I'm wondering
Where did it come from (I got tested)
And the results came back
And the doctor said i'm sorry but u got cancer
I could not beleive it so
I call my mama to calm my nerves

(mama) she got down on her knees
(mama) she said a prayer for me
(mama) just keep on thanking Jesus
(mama) he'll give you what you need
(thank you Jesus)
Now that was five years ago
I don't have that pain no more
Doc said you can go home
Cause all your cancer's gone

You saved me [4x]

You saved me (said you saved me)
You saved me (but you saved me)
You saved me saaaved me
Gave me a second chance (second chance)
Hallelujah saved me
Saved me saved me
Wooooooh You saved me

You gave me it was by grace You saved me
I'm so thankful that You looked down on me
Saw me standing there
I was at the end of my rope no where to go
And you gave me

No where to go (and you saved me)
I was down and out 2
I was doing drugs 2
I was running the streets 2
Never felt love
I was wilding out
You saved me
You stepped in ooh save me

You saved me

:: Now Streaming in Radio.Blog ::

Monday, June 06, 2005

My Short Story: "Damien's Story"

Disclaimer: The preceding story, including characters and situations, were completely fictional. Resemblance to any persons, dead or living, is purely coincidental.

Damien Fernandez could still remember that fateful Sunday afternoon 10 years ago on his eighteenth birthday. It was a simple yet fulfilling celebration. He had a scrumptious lunch with his family (his dad and mum; Mr. & Mrs. Fernandez and his sister; Danielle) and a chocolate fudge cake for dessert. After which his parents presented him a brand new red convertible as his birthday gift. Damien’s present was a Fiat Spider, a small but seductive car with curves sculpted at just the right places. He was elated and he beamed with excitement and joy. His sister however was not as enthusiastic as he was.

“Mama, it is unfair Damien gets a car but you refuse to allow me to use make-up and have my ears pierced!”

“Well Danielle you are only ten. I promise you will have all that once you are old enough.”

As usual Danielle does what she always does when she do not get what she wants. She sulks. Her brother on the other hand was grinning from ear to ear. Damien did not hesitate to take the car out for a spin around his residential area. Little did he know this would be his last time driving.

Damien relished every moment driving his new Fiat. Every turning was smooth even when he does corners. The engine was virtually silent and it was just him and the car. He felt liberated, he felt free – like a bird flying through the clouds. The caress of the wind on his face and on his hair felt like the soft touch of a hand. And the wind tickled his ears. Oh yes, Damien Fernandez was immersed in delectation.

Until… his cell phone rang.

Click!

“Hello, this is Damien speaking.”

“Hey Damien, this is Angela. Are you busy?”

Angela Wong. Damien knew her since high school and they have been going out for about 2 years now. A couple of days ago Angela had a disagreement with Damien when she mentioned she was considering to study abroad. Since then they have not spoken to each other.

“Oh baby it’s you. I am glad you called. Baby I am sorry for that silly argument we had. By the way, you sounded a little under the weather. Is everything alright?”

“Not really. I have something urgent to tell you.”

Damien grinned; he thought that this was one of Angela’s dramatic attempts to wish him ‘Happy Birthday’.

“What is it baby?”

“I don’t think we should be together anymore… But I hope we could still remain as good friends.”

“…”

“Hello. Damien…? You there? Hello?”

Click!

Damien fell silent, stopped his car to the roadside, put on his brake and ended the conversation with a simple push of a button. He was in tears but had no signs of visible emotion and his eyes were set upon this huge shady tree in the middle of the playground.

Damien locked his foot on the accelerator and the car gave a loud restrained roar, as if a lion in a cage. What happened next was unthinkable. He released the brake and the car charged forward towards the huge tree.

Just before the car hit the tree, there was an abrupt ear-piercing scream ensued by a deafening silence.

Damien’s world came to a crashing halt – literally. The scream did not belong to him. However it belonged to Danielle who at that time was resting under the tree after that scrumptious lunch. Danielle died on the spot. Her skull was crushed and her blood dyed her favourite emerald green dress crimson. As for Damien, he was much fortunate (or unfortunate, depends on how you look at it) and did not die as he planned to.

Although the death of his sister was purely an accident, Damien was convicted of reckless driving and sentenced to 10 years in prison. Needless to say Damien was suspended from driving for life. Ridden with guilt and shame, Damien refused to see any of his family or friends during visiting hours. Years passed and soon none of his family or friends came to visit him but they did send him letters which he never replied.

It has been 10 years since the accident and until now Damien could not forgive himself for that moment of rage. In spite of everything life has to go on and today Damien is on his way – home. But there is this restlessness stirring in him because he is unsure whether he would still be welcomed back home. So a week before his release he wrote a letter addressed to both of his parents:

Dear Papa and Mama,

I know it has been almost 10 years since you have heard from me but I would like you to know that I will be released in a week’s time. Papa, Mama I miss you both so much but I don’t know whether you would feel the same way. As a son I have not been filial and have never done my duties and I begged that you allow me to make it up to you in whatever way I can.

My heart is full of guilt, although it has been many years since Danielle’s death. Papa, Mama, please know that I am really sorry. I really am. I understand it’s hard for you to accept me, an ex-convict under your roof. So I ask that you give me a sign.

I will be taking the night bus home and it will pass by the house on the way to the station. If I remembered correctly, we used to have two lamps fixed on top of the pillars of our gate. Papa, Mama if you do not mind acknowledging me as your son please turn both of the lamps on and I will be at the gate to meet you. But if you do not want me as your son any longer then please do not bother to switch on either lamp. Don’t worry, I will find myself a decent job and a place to stay.

Love you always,

Damien.

As Damien recalled what he had wrote; streaks of tears flowed down his cheeks as he looked out of the bus window. It has been an hour since the bus begun its journey and Damien knew that in half an hour he will be either meeting his parents or go on his separate way.

The air-conditioning was working a little too well and it was nearly freezing, which was of no help to the already nervous Damien. All twenty two passengers were wrapped up in their sweaters, some resting their eyes, others SMS-ing while some read books. Damien was wearing his thick cotton sweater, a gift from his mother ten Christmases before. He got up looking a little shaky like a puppy left out in the cold and made his way to the front of the bus. He turned to face the rest of the passengers and cleared his throat for attention.

“Dear friends my name is Damien Fernandez and I am an ex-convict.”

At once all eyes and ears were on him. They were looking and listening attentively, as if this was a stick-up.

“I was sentence to 10 years in prison and now I am released to the society for good. I know that we do not know each other even remotely well but I would like to ask for a favour. ”

Still there was silence; the only sound one could hear apart from Damien’s shaky voice was the bus’ engine.

“Don’t worry, I promise it won’t cost you a thing. You see, I am on my way home but I am not sure whether my parents would still accept me. So I asked them for a sign which was to light up both lamps of the gate if they would like to welcome me. If not they could keep the lamps off to signal they would rather be without me.

I seek your help because I am afraid of the possibility that they might reject me. So please look out for my house, it’s the corner lot on your right along Jalan Riong and 57 is the house number. In about 10 minute’s time, you should be able to see it.

I will be at my seat covering my face with my two hands. Only if you see the lamps on, you are to come over to my seat and give me a tap on my shoulder. Otherwise, please leave me on my own to figure out how to deal with rejection. That’s all.

…Thank you.”

As he returned to his seat, they turned toward him, gave him a forced but genuine smile and a knowing look. Damien began to cover his face with both of his hands and laid his trust on his newly met acquaintances. All eyes (except Damien’s of course) were looking out the bus window in anticipation to catch the first glimpse of the house along the now (in)famous Jalan Riong. Damien knew it was anytime now and this will either make or break him.

The passengers gasped.

Upon hearing that, Damien’s heart sunk. His closed eyes started to tear like leaking faucets. But next he heard loud cheers composed of twenty three various voices (including the bus driver’s). The bus stopped moving. Damien was confused at this answer provided by his acquaintances. He just could not hide his curiosity any longer. He lifted his head and peered out the window.

He too gasped.

If he did not know better that it was still the month of January, Damien might have thought it was Christmas. No not that there was anything that resembled snow. Rather there were strings of multi-colored lights strung on power lines leading to the house of 57, Jalan Riong. As Damien’s eyes traced the path of the power lines, he saw not just two bright and glowing lamps atop gate pillars but a house which was lighted from top to bottom! Strings of Christmas-lights adorned the house from the rooftop to the pillars, even the windows and doors! It was a sight to behold!

But where are his parents? Damien got out of the bus and walked towards the open gate into the dimly lit garden. He stopped to his tracks. His mum and dad were standing at a distance smiling and waving bright orange glow sticks. In the midst of darkness, Damien saw more glow sticks warming up to a full glow. First it was 5. Then he saw 20. The numbers increased until all was illuminated.

There stood his mum and dad, aunts and uncles, cousins, best friends and school mates! Each and every one of them was smiling as they held on to their bright orange glow sticks.

Damien’s eyes welled up with tears and he broke down crying like a child who was lost and now found. He sat down on the moist carpet grass with his legs curled; he folded his hands and placed them on his knees in place of a shoulder to cry on. He wept.

A little while later, he sensed a shadow hovering above him and shortly after he felt an embrace, and immediately he recognized that familiar scent.

“Hush son. Papa is here. Don’t worry everything will be alright. I just want you to know that neither Mama nor I ever held a grudge against you. And I want you to remember this: that no matter what, you –

Damien Augustine Fernandez will always, always be my son.”


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Corpus Christi Homily

by Father Simon Yong, SJ

Image hosted by Photobucket.comMany people find the Eucharist boring; some find it meaningless. Music is not good. Sermon is terribly long and not appropriate. It’s too hot here and it’s cooler in CKK. People in SFX action and not friendly. It’s a short list of reasons why the Eucharist can become a meaningless, boring routine. So, let me tell you a short story of what the Eucharist was for some people. It happened in WWII. We know many Jews died then but what is often not spoken of were the deaths of so many non-Jews, amongst whom were many priests. The Catholic Church was hated by the Nazis because the Church stood up against Nazism. For that many priests had to pay with their lives as they were sent to concentration camps. In the camps the celebration of the Eucharist was banned. Even then some of the priests in a camp conspired to celebrate the Eucharist. They all had to work and so they made sure that the cart they used to carry their goods always break down in front of a bakery. And from there they managed to obtain bread and they smuggled in wine. With that they could celebrate the Eucharist.

The Eucharist meant a lot to them. Why? First, they would be punished with death if caught. Second, they brought so much of themselves into the celebration. Third, the Eucharist was where they encounter Jesus truly present to them in the concrete reality of their lives.

The 3rd reason “Jesus truly present” is why we celebrate the Feast of Corpus Christi. It actually originated from St Thomas Aquinas himself. He lived in the Golden Age of the Mediaeval period: the High Middle Ages. So it’s not a feast that came out of “pure devotional-ism” but came from a period of the Church blessed by such intellectual giants such as St Thomas Aquinas and St Bonaventure . Thus, it is a feast to remind us what the Body and Blood of Christ truly IS to each one of us, in and outside the celebration of the Eucharist and the crux of the teaching of the Feast: God is truly present to us in forms of bread and wine. People may ask why if God exist he doesn’t show himself. The fact is God showed himself 2000 years ago—the chosen people simply rejected him. But Christians who have accepted him believed that when he left, he continues to show himself and be present with us in a very different way. The point is how do we accept his presence to us and with us?

JND Kelly, a Protestant historian in his book Early Christian Doctrines (p440) said that “the Eucharistic teaching, it should be understood at the beginning, was in general unquestioningly realist, i.e., the consecrated bread and wine were taken to be, and were treated and designated as, the Saviour’s body and blood”. Beginning with St Ignatius of Antioch he cites a range of Eastern and Western Fathers who took Jesus quite literally when He said: “This is my Body”.

And you can’t get anymore real than what you heard in the Gospel. The Jews rejected Jesus he said “eat my flesh that you may live”. And to prove it that he wasn’t misunderstood, Jesus did not run after those disciples who left him and said, “No, no, you misunderstood me”. Instead, he turned to the 12 and asked “You, would you go as well”? So, for a long time, all Christians accept that Jesus meant literally that the Bread is him, and it is life. “As I, who am sent by the living Father, myself draw life from the Father, so whoever eats me will draw life from me”.

But, somehow in the 16th century, things changed, the Protestants beginning with Zwingli began to have problems with the reality of Jesus’ presence to us. For most Protestants, the Eucharist is a “bare and naked sign” which we give meaning to by our understanding. It is what we think it to be. But that is not the Church’s constant teaching which is why this answer from a Protestant minister to a Catholic priest can only reinforce what we ourselves know and believe from the times of the Apostles. He said: “If I believed what you Catholics believe about the Eucharist, I wouldn’t simply kneel, I would fall flat on my face”.

Many Catholics have lived—and died or fallen flat on their faces—for this sacred reality: the Presence of Christ in forms of bread and wine. The first two reasons I gave for why the Eucharist meant so much to those concentration camp priests apply still to us. First, many of us will never be asked to lay down our lives to defend the Eucharist. This means that we defend the Eucharist another way: through our reverence. How many people really show reverence for the Eucharist we celebrate? Habitually talking, regularly coming late or leaving before final blessing, eating, drinking or chewing gums during entire mass, SMSing when Eucharist is going on, receiving communion with a palm that has 4-D on it or someone’s telephone number written on it and dressing improperly. Some people will get angry especially about the dressing improperly part and accuse me of being judgemental. Usual storylah: “God will judge the person’s heart and not the outside”. And the same goes to people who react when the announcement like “Communion is reserved for practising Catholics only” and say “how can so judgemental and so unfriendly”. The point is this: our reverence is not a subjective reference to what you are feeling before God. The Malays will say “Perasan”…so self-conceited. You think we’re talking about you? In reality we don’t actually care if a person wants to dress up like a tart or a couple fondles each other BUT just don’t do it HERE because HERE we must contend with an objective reality that has taken place: JESUS, OUR LORD AND GOD IS PRESENT HERE AND NOW. Our reverence therefore is rather an objective reference to the fact that the bread is no longer bread. Yes, it smells like bread, tastes like bread but in reality, in substance it is the Body of Christ our Lord and God. That is the fact which calls for our response. And reverence is the only appropriate response we can give. Reverence is the reason why people adore the body and blood during consecration at Eucharist and also why people pray before the tabernacle outside of Eucharist. Reverence is the reason why people laid down their lives for the Eucharist. St Paul himself teaches reverence because he said that “Whoever, therefore, eats the bread and drinks the cup of Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord”.

Brothers and sisters, the first document of Vatican Council was on liturgy and it says that the Eucharist is the “source and summit of the Christian life,” When respect or reverence for the Eucharist diminishes, the other sacraments also decline. For RCIA, when a catechumen is baptised, he is confirmed and these two sacraments find the fulfilment in the Eucharist. The sacraments of Penance and Anointing of the Sick exist in order to restore a person to the Eucharistic table. Marriage is sign of the wedding banquet of the Lamb. And of course priesthood takes its meaning from the Eucharist. The drop in vocations can be tied directly to a decreased reverence for the Blessed Sacrament.

This is the year of the Eucharist. I believe the previous Holy Father is asking that we return to the source of our life Jesus in the Eucharist so that we may be nourished for firstly, fighting the good fight, to finish the race we have started and to keep the faith and secondly, so that we may all truly prepare for his coming and he comes to us when we die and he comes to us when He comes again in the final judgement.

All these bring me to the 2nd reason why the Eucharist meant so much for those priests in concentration camps. What have you brought to the Eucharist? Better still, whom did you bring into the Eucharist? You see, you can only bring the Eucharist away with you if you first bring yourself truly into the Eucharist.

This evening, some of our faith will be tested. Procession, monstrance and group of people following a clown carrying a piece of bread. Well, that is the Real Thing—the Body of Christ. But the 2nd Reading also says that we too are members of and we make up the Body of Christ. Therefore, it is appropriate that we want to be more and more authentically or TRULY the Body of Christ. That is why we eat the Body of Christ so that we can become the Body of Christ. And in the procession, it is the Mystical Body of Christ carrying the Real Body of Christ signifying our deepest longing to become more and more really the Body of Christ.

The Catholic Church may seem antiquated and quaint in her practices but really for those who love the Church, there’s a method to the madness called the Catholic Church. So, let us be proud of the immensity of this gift which God has given us: the gift of Himself.

29th May 2005