My Day of Judgment

Today was the Day. No, the Day of Judgment has not come rather it was my personal day of judgment - my Alevel result is out.
Got my results and it was so not good. Not that I missed just "a" mark but the levels of it. To cut it short: simply didn't make the grade.

This was what I got:

Biology - "D"

Chemistry - "E"

Math - "E"

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Months before, I prayed every now and then to my Lord Jesus for good results; praying for straight A's (in hope that if I fail to have my prayers answered I might get half of what I prayed for... probably a B instead or at least a C) As the Day draws near my prayer intentions for this becomes lesser & lesser, until it came to a point where I wonder; would it do any good if I continue to ask God for His divine intervention since the Day (in this context: "the Day" refers to the day where I collect my results) is drawing near, my papers might already be graded?

As I continue to expound on that thought. During an inner monologue, this question came to mind:

Is it fair that God blesses me with excellent results through divine intervention, even though I did not earn the results I obtained?

This thought was being tossed in my mind. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Surely, I would like God to perform a divine intervention, and grant me excellent results I don't deserve but will it then be fair to the others (whom slogged hard for 14 months to obtain the A's)?

Anyway, as you already know. My results was disastrous. An all time low on major exams for me as an AB student since my primary years.

Yes, I was dishearten. Yes, I was humbled when my self-esteem took the blow.

Yes, I was - ashamed.

But was I disappointed with God?

No.

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In a weird sense, I am sincerely glad that I did not get the "excellent" results I so wanted and prayed for.

Why?

Because, if God were to perform a divine intervention it would not be fair to the others (Christians and non-Christians alike) and this is not the nature of the just God that I worship and adore. For deep down in my heart, I knew of the outcome of my Alevel examination: bad results.

Although, I have tried my best but that does not obligate my God to give me straight A's nor does it give me the right to lament to God, day & night.

But I know, God hears my rants and raves not because He has to, but simply because He wants to. With that I know I am truly blessed regardless of the A's or not.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

-Matthew 28:11-

Blessed be the Name of the Lord! <><