What is this thing called "Grace"?

I believe "grace" is one of the overused words in Christian jargon. Many Christians that I come in contact with, do not really know its meaning although it is used very often to describe their walk with God. ;)

Some of you might know that, the Blessed Virgin Mary was called "full of grace" when Gabriel (one of the archangels) paid her a visit. Some Bible translation, uses "favoured one" instead of the above. Either way, it means the same. Grace means favour. What's more it is a gift only from God.

If Grace = Favour. Therefore the classic hymn Amazing Grace by John Newton means Amazing Favour! What was this favour that God did for John Newton that he dared call it "amazing"? The answer lies in John 3:16:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son,
so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

Jesus came to give His life as a ransom for many. A ransom for the debt of our sins. He favours us so much that He is willing to save us through His death. So that those who believe in Him will enjoy eternity with Him in heaven.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
~ John Newton (1725-1807) ~

The Deliberate Intention of God

"Does God really care?"

I believe this is one the many questions about God that we ask most often - yes... including me. ;) It was last week or so, at a silent retreat that I stumbled upon the answer to this question but in the form of a question.

"what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?"

(Psalm 8:4, NIV)

And I thought to myself:

OK, why David finds 'mindful' synonymous with 'care'?

Why is it that when God thinks of us (i.e. mindful); He cares for us?

I can think of someone, say my enemy but that doesn't mean I care for him/her!

So as I spent my quiet time meditating upon this verse, the Holy Spirit revealed to me these insights:

Essentially we are made from nothing. Yeah, I know the bible says that we came from dust. But where is soil from? :)Everything in this universe is willed by God. Here the word "will" means "deliberate intention". God deliberately intended to have this universe. When God "deliberately intends" stuff, He thinks.

Unlike us, His thoughts materialized and viola! - Creation. But it doesn't stop there. To keep Creation as it is (i.e. materialized), God has to remember it constantly (i.e. mindful).

From the universe to the galaxies. From the galaxies to the solar systems. From the solar systems to the planets. From the planets to Earth. From Earth to the people living in it. From the people living in it to the basic components that they were made of. Not to mention various itty bitty details (i.e. law of gravity, boiling points, human/animal/plant anatomy, etc...)Goodness! To sustain all of the above God has to remember them ALL constantly! AWESOME!

When I recall the times where I have sinned. I feel guilty, for the fact that God still thinks of me even during the act of sin! Imagine your mum caught you stealing money from her purse, heart-broken she still clothes and feeds you... On the other hand, when I feel really down and I felt that no one cares about me anymore. I can be sure that still God does. Why?

Because He alone sustains my existence. And I still exist.

That alone shows He cares. :)

AMAZINGLY FEARLESS RACE!

Top 10 Experiences of 2004

2004 has been a year of new experiences. Here is the list of my top ten (in chronological order)...

1. Co-leading House Of Manna (cell group)
2. Giving my first Lifeline talk which was on evangelism
   ...and subsequently my second on suffering
   
3. My first time to Sabah!
4. My first job as a "Corporate Marketing Executive"
5. ...and getting my first paycheck!
6. Participating in Lifeline's Amazingly Fearless Race!
7. Flunked my A-level...
8. Working part-time in the Youth Centre
   
9. My first time to Langkawi and hanging out with fellow parish workers
10. And the night before 2005: my first salsa new year party

Although not all of the above experiences was good, still I want to praise and thank the Lord because it is He who charted my life and I believe that God has more new experiences in store for me this 2005. God alone sums it best:

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
-Jeremiah 29:11-

Blessed New Year!

The Coming

Initially when I got to know about the earthquake tremors from fellow Penang bloggers, I thought it was just minor. It was only during these few days with all the news reports that the seriousness of the quake strucked me!

- My heart is burdened by these calamities and my prayers goes out to the victims of the quake. -

Apparently the high-death tolls was due to the fact that there was no warning of coming tsunamis! Latest death toll to date: 55,000 (what's more disease could double the current number!) During these few days as I was contemplating on what had happened, I was reminded of Christ's coming. For Jesus said:

"Know this: A homeowner who knew exactly when a burglar was coming would stay alert and not permit the house to be broken into. You also must be ready all the time. For the Son of Man will come when least expected."
-Matthew 24:43,44- (NLT)

While tourists were having the time of their lives on the beach and as natives were making a living, in a blink of an eye the strong currents and tidal waves swept them away. I cringed as I imagined I was among those caught unawares... And I cringed even more, when I think about the times where I blatantly sin without giving a hoot about God! As St. Paul says:

"I don't think, friends, that I need to deal with the question of when all this is going to happen. You know as well as I that the day of the Master's coming can't be posted on our calendars. He won't call ahead and make an appointment any more than a burglar would. About the time everybody's walking around complacently, congratulating each other--"We've sure got it made! Now we can take it easy!"-suddenly everything will fall apart. It's going to come as suddenly and inescapably as birth pangs to a pregnant woman.

But friends, you're not in the dark, so how could you be taken off guard by any of this? You're sons of Light, daughters of Day. We live under wide open skies and know where we stand. So let's not sleepwalk through life like those others. Let's keep our eyes open and be smart. People sleep at night and get drunk at night. But not us! Since we're creatures of Day, let's act like it. Walk out into the daylight sober, dressed up in faith, love, and the hope of salvation.

God didn't set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we're awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we're alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it."

- 1 Thessalonians 5:1-11 - (Msg)

Oh my Jesus forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell. Lead all those to Heaven especially those most in need of Your mercy. Amen.

Interview with Malaysian Idol's Nikki Palikat

She was the girl who blew Roslan Aziz away, the one Jee wanted to see more of, the one who was told by Paul Moss "You look beautiful...". Who's that girl? For Malaysian Idol fans, you'd know that I'm referring to none other than Nicolette Palikat; better known as Nikki.

She was here from her hometown of Sabah for the Christmas Carols with the stars organised by The Council of Churches of Malaysia on 15th November. Never one to pass up a golden opportunity, Lifeline took this chance to interview her, asking questions about practically everything under the sun. Read on to see what our intrepid reporter unearthed...


DID YOU KNOW THAT NIKKI...


...hated singing as a child?
Perhaps it had to do with being the fifth child in a musically talented family of 6 girls and a boy. The turning point came at the tender age of 10 - she sang along to "Hero" by Mariah Carey, imitating the full range of vocal acrobatics of the diva herself. At that point, her whole perception of singing changed as she unearthed a previously buried talent.


...almost missed Malaysian Idol?
Being a student, Nikki couldn't afford the plane ticket from Sabah to Kuching, Sarawak where the auditions were held. Her mother also objected to her idea of auditioning for Malaysian Idol. When all seemed lost, help came from an unexpected source - her elder sister Adriane. (Growing up, Nikki & Adriane didn't get along. They were the two most musically inclined in the family, yet total opposites - Nikki hated musical instruments while Adriane played almost every kind!). Nikki shares that Malaysian Idol has brought both sisters closer together, and for that she is thankful.


...felt God's presence the most at the lowest point of the competition?
Shockingly, Nikki was eliminated at the first workshop. Feeling depressed and discouraged, she was becoming a pain in the neck to her sisters, and to make matters worse, was coughing seemingly non-stop.

At that point, a call came to say that she had been selected as one of the "Wildcards" (effectively meaning that she had been given a second chance to be in the Final 12). Instead of being grateful, Nikki ranted and raved at God, "Why God? Why now that I am coughing non-stop? Am I to make a fool of myself at the Wildcard?" Overwhelmed by the emotional roller-coaster ride, she finally broke down and cried. It was then that God spoke through her elder sister Melissa (youth minister of Life Teen, Kota Kinabalu) Melissa randomly picked out a card from a deck of bible verses and it turned out to be Nikki's favourite verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11 -

Melissa reminded her that it was God's opinion that mattered and not Man's, and that the Malaysian Idol journey was a mission from God which she was to complete without losing focus.

And how did everything turn out? Despite her cough, Nikki did a beautiful rendition of Christina Aguilera's 'The Voice Within' .


...nearly cried on stage?
This happened while she was singing 'The Voice Within' because this song reminded her so much of God and the mission she was to complete. Obviously, the crowd thought she was a hit too, and she got through to the Top 6 of Malaysian Idol.


...faced difficulties because of her faith?
During a photo shoot, she was requested to remove the crucifix that she was wearing round her neck. Although it was explained to her that it was the newspaper's policy, Nikki felt insulted. Indignantly, she kept it on (but shifted it to the back) and continued the photo shoot.

Unaccustomed to constant swearing, Nikki requested someone on the show not to swear so much. To which she was told to lighten up, and to accept the person as she was, just as the person accepted her as she was. This conversation was overheard by a third party, who asked Nikki if she was a Catholic Christian. When Nikki confirmed that she was, the guy responded 'No wonder'.

It may have been meant as an insult, but I'd say it's a good thing that non-Christians are aware of Christian standards of behaviour, wouldn't you say?


...was accused of being 'sombong' (proud and stand-offish)?
During a visit to Times Square, she was rumoured to be acting like a diva, never satisfied with the perks given to the contestants of Malaysian Idol. When Nikki's sisters heard this, they were shocked because Nikki had been raving to them over the phone about her amazing visit to Times Square! The rumours apparently came from an inside source - this taught Nikki to choose her close friends and confidantes carefully.


...prays together with Jac & Andrew before each round of competition?
This has been a routine for Nikki, Jac and Andrew. Nikki believes in the promise made by Jesus where He said:

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
- Matthew 18:20 -

Praying has helped her draw closer to God as well as to the other contestants she prays with.


...learned to praise God in every circumstance?
Throughout her journey in Malaysian Idol, Nikki learned to praise God in joy and in suffering. When she was eliminated in the first round, when she re-entered the competition through the Wildcard, when she made it through to the Final 6, when her finger got jammed in the van door - through it all, she praised the Lord. And that, she says, is a lesson she will keep for life.


For Nikki, our meeting was a change from the usual meet-the-fans session (what with the crowd being much smaller than expected). We all had the opportunity to talk and share our testimonies over a cup of grass jelly with milk (a.k.a. 'susu leong fun', a local favourite in Sabah). We got to know Nikki as a regular young lady - a gracious, charming and down-to-earth person with an amazing love for God.

All in all, it was a fun evening. Nikki's quote at 8TV's Quickie sums it up best:

"I loved the way everything turned out. It was how God wanted it. It was how I wanted it."

Praise God.

Christmas Homecoming

Coming home for Christmas has been what I have been doing since I started college. And this year is no different. I was home for Christmas, except that the journey back was... - well, read on.

As the same with last year, my aunt had planned that we go home together for Christmas. But the difference was, this year "we" includes me, my aunt and my aunt's boss; Mr. AB (who was hitching a ride from us to Malacca, which is on the way to Johor) Which was fine with me.

- Fast forward to the journey back home -

There we were in my aunt's sporty 3-door yellow Vitara. She in the driver's seat, Mr. AB in the passenger's seat and me at the back, accompanying all the luggage and Christmas presents; there was barely enough room for my hands and legs. Anyway, by the time we reached the PLUS highway, I was already dozing off with my copy of Amy Tan's The Kitchen God's Wife opened on my lap, while my aunt and her boss yakked away, until I heard...

Mr. AB: J sent me an email with the header saying; "Good morning in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!". I was like what?! "Shit, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!" (laughs)

Aunt: (nervous laugh; while peering at me through the rear mirror looking at my reaction)

From the tone of Mr. AB's voice, I deduced that he was not too fond of J. But mocking Jesus was way too much. That was enough to wake me from slumber (and of course, with the adrenaline flowing in my blood) I glared at my aunt's reflection, in the rear mirror looking back at me to show that I was angry and frustrated. And I would so like to give him a piece of my mind but at the same time, I would not want to put my aunt in a spot. Honestly, I was trying real hard controlling my rage (those who know me will know how hard that is)

I was so frustrated that I begun to pray silently and fervently for Mr. AB, directing my hand at his head. I also prayed that God will teach me how to respond. I prayed for at least an hour or so, while the yakking continued (talking about having quiet time!) And praise God! The Lord inspired me in what I should say and I was just waiting for the timing to be perfect.

---

Finally, we arrived in Malacca at my aunt's boss' doorstep. As he was getting down the jeep...

Mr. AB: I am sorry you had to sit at the back... By the way, thank you for letting me have the passenger's seat.

Me: You're welcome. [getting off the jeep also, stretching legs]

Mr. AB: [polite grin] [beginning to turn his back and move towards the frontgate]

Me: Mr. AB. [nonchalant look]

Mr. AB: [turning 'round] Yeah?

Me: [forced a smile, extends hand for a handshake] [grab hand] I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ!

[The expression on Mr. AB's face was priceless.]

Although it was not easy greeting him especially after what he said about my Lord & Saviour, I was glad I did. And it was through God's grace I was able to do so. As the Bible says...

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ...If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. "
-Romans 12:14, 20, 21-

~ Blessed Christmas! ~

Nikki from Malaysian Idol!

Another note: In your email, please do include your NAME & CONTACT NUMBER. :)

HOW TO GET TO SFX (SAINT FRANCIS XAVIER'S CHURCH)

ADDRESS: 135 Jalan Gasing, 46000 Petaling Jaya, Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia

A Christmas To Remember

Carols with Jac, Andrew, Nikki, Juwita, Mark David and ASEANA Percussion Unit

Date: Wednesday, 15th December 2004
Time: 7.30PM
Venue: Maranatha Hall, Glad Tidings (AOG)
(6 Jalan Bersatu 13/4, 46200 Petaling Jaya)

ADMISSION BY INVITATION ONLY

For further information
Kindly contact: Council of Churches of Malaysia
Tel: 03-79567092 / 03-79557587

Of Leather Bags & Hell

Last week, around this time I went with a friend from cell group to Damansara Uptown's Midnight Pasar Malam after pampering ourselves at a nearby Baskin Robins (yum!). We went stall hopping to check out what was being sold and boy was it an eye-opener! From burgers to t-shirts, you name it they might have it (there was even some that were selling allegedly captured footage of ghosts!). I seldom go shopping without an objective in mind, so I had planned earlier to look out for "leather" sling bags.

After a bit of stall hopping, we located one that sells bags only. I was thrilled at the thought of getting a "leather" sling bag that is similar to a friend's (which he bought from Petaling Street); without having to travel the distance (PJ to KL) and saving time + money. The bag was dark brown (almost black) and it is like those "messenger" bag's a classic postman would use. So there I was checking the bag for flaws but none visible (I probably was too infatuated to see it) while the stall owner pitched me:

StallOwner: We have only two of these left. One in black (editor: the one I was holding) and the other in brown. I tell you honestly: it's real leather on the outside and PVC in the inside.
Me: Really ah..? (I was actually quite convinced). How much?
StallOwner: RM48
Me: RM35, I'll buy.
StallOwner: RM38 lah. Best price.
Me: Deal.

I was very happy with my purchase until 5 days later, the strap started to show signs of tearing! I was going, "Oh no..." when I saw that happened. My heart was really aching at the thought of the money I had spent.

:: :: ::

Funnily (not "haha" funny but "weird" funny) enough, this bad experience had led me to contemplate on the topic of Hell.

The stereotype vision of Hell is a place that's filled with brimstone & fire and not to mention naked people who are eternally tortured by demons. But after much reading and contemplation, I have a developed a different vision of Hell...

We are all creatures made for love. We seek love; but more often than not we mistake carnal pleasure (e.g. sex/pornography/money/fame) for love. We may feel contented with these "pseudo-love" (as I would like to put it) and we settle for it. But it satisfies only for a short period and then emptiness comes. When emptiness comes, we seek more of these pseudo-love to fill it. The "dosage" of pseudo-love increases as time passes, until a point where we become so numb that we have to seek for "more extreme" versions of pseudo-love to "cure" the numbness.

Some returned to God after realizing (with the grace of God) how meaningless all these carnal pursuits are, but many stay on with these lifestyles until the end of their lives. When one dies without repentance, essentially he/she have made a choice during his/her lifetime to be separated from God and that decision made will be honoured by God in eternity.

We know that God is love, and that makes Him the source of love. So as creatures made for love we suffer tremendously when we are separated from God and basically that is Hell. I don't discount the possibility of physical suffering but I believe that emotional suffering will be inevitable when one realizes that he/she has missed the opportunity during his/her lifetime to be with his/her Creator, the One that we were made for. It is like missing your one and only opportunity to wine & dine for free with your favourite celebrity and you missed it because you procrastinated to register for the event.

I also likened that emotional suffering of Hell to what I felt when I realized that my decision to buy that bag was a rip-off (after the strap started to tear). I thought to myself: "I should have gotten myself a bag that's made of genuine leather, even if it costs me a couple of hundred extra. At least it will last!" "I shouldn't have believed that stall owner!" Multiply that emotional suffering by a trillion and you get a rough idea of what emotional suffering in Hell might be like.

Fortunately, I was still able to modify my sling bag to a handle-less document bag, so at least the main compartment is salvaged. But unfortunately in the case of Hell, when one chooses it any effort of rectification will be futile.

The Beautiful Letdown

Being Christian, I have experienced the pressure of giving up my faith not once but on many occasions. During these occasions, I have envisioned myself living with no obligations whatsoever. Unrestricted partying. Drugs. Free love. With anyone. At anytime. I was sick of being accountable to God. Although I was already convicted of God's existence. I want to forget God. Ignore His existence. Ignore His will.

- Delude myself. -

And one of these occasions happened not too long ago. At that time I felt... this is it.

Then one day, I decided to listen to Switchfoot's The Beautiful Letdown (introduced by T; a good friend) I figured, Why not? After a couple of listens, I can conclude that The Beautiful Letdown is really a good rock album and if you don't pay attention to the lyrics you will never realise it is Christian music you are listening to. :)

Well, back to the story. I am a sucker for lyrics and as usual I gave my 100% to what was sung and track 2 came up:

"THIS IS YOUR LIFE"
Chorus:
"This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be this is your life,
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger
and you had everything to lose..."

Praise God. That stirred me to think. And these questions start playing in my head: Who I really want to be? Am I who I aught to be? Is this God's plan for me? That really was it. Though a much more different sort of "it" that I was refering to, compared to the one in the early paragraph... This 'it' is a more positive one. ;)

I realised that I could not ignore God any longer for He plays a major role in my life. And I know in the depths of my heart that the reason & source of my joy could only be Him and in Him. And I also believe that His plans for me is so wonderful. More wonderful than I could ever imagine. So I repented.

Amazing how a song can trigger one's repentance! Yes, I know only the Holy Spirit can lead one to conversion but that is a given. ;)

At The PMCCC

Just something for me to remember...

Last year, I went with a couple of my friends to the Peninsular Malaysia Catholic Charismatic Convention (PMCCC) held in Mines. We arrived just on time for the registration with not much of a crowd at first and then it grew larger...

Friend #1 : This uncle looks familiar.. Oh! He's from our parish! So nice to see him here.
(Pause)
Oh look! He's smoking!
Me : (In a mood for some cynicism) Well, probably he had learnt it here.
Friend #2 : You must not say that! Everyone here is filled with the fire of the Holy Spirit!
Me : Well... then I guess that's where he lit his cigarette.
(Group bursts laughing)

Thinking back that was one funny unintentional joke we made... although some might find it a tad blasphemous.

Sorry God.

G6PD

I have always wanted to post my testimony of how God intervened in my life and I figure today would be excellent (after my previous post on "Do you believe in God?") hehe. :) By the way, I would to thank everyone that commented on that post. Thanks for giving me something to think about. ;)

OK. Now for my testimony.

I was diagnosed with G6PD (Glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase) deficiency at the age of 3. G6PD is an inherited disease, which has no cure. Sad but true. What this disease does is, it made me allergic to certain foods (chinese herbs and especially beans and it's products) And if I do eat bean-products, my reflex was to vomit. So naturally I was very thin and my parents had to take good care of what I eat. I wasn't exactly miserable, but my family then wasn't very well to do and my condition is not making things easier. I was told by my aunt that whenever I put a bean (especially those 'flat' beans) in my mouth, my dad will make me spit it out or in the case of me swallowing it... My dad will dig my throat to induce vomitting; before the bean reaches my stomach.

My parents were devout Catholics and I believe they always pray on my behalf, especially for my disease. Fast forward to when I was in Primary 4. It was the Lunar New Year again and we were also at one of our relative's house. Being the glutton that I am, my fingers sneakily inched towards those fava beans (kacang kuda) while my parents catch up with my relatives.

First bean. Swallowed. Yummy. Second bean. Swallowed. Yummy. Third bean. Swallowed. Yummy. Fourth bean. Swallowed. Busted! My dad saw what happened but this time there was no immediate throat-digging operation, rather he asked: "You are fine after eating all these beans?" And I replied; "Yeah." He look at me in a I-am-glad-my-son's-ok way. And as a safety precaution he told me to stop eating the beans. I complied and thought to myself; "Wow. I was lucky not to have vomitted..."

A few years after. I got sick (fever, I guess). So I went to the nearest doctor (instead of my family doctor) for treatment. After looking through my medical records...

Doctor : Hmm. I see you have G6PD?
Me : I had G6PD.
Doctor : What do you mean you had G6PD?
Me : Well, previously my family doctor said I was cured.
Doctor : But there is no cure for G6PD.
(Pause)
Hmm.. It must be a miracle then. Praise the Lord. *smile*

That was the first time I heard someone said; "Praise the Lord". :)

And it was then that I realised I was one of the blessed (as opposed to lucky) few that experience a - miracle.

Do you believe in God?

There are times in my life where I doubted the existence of God. These times of my life were when I was at my spiritual lowest. The reason to my doubting is non-intellectual, rather it is because of me not wanting to face certain issues in my life that needed correction... a.k.a. repentance. If there is God, then He is the one that I needed to be accountable to. I would not like to spend too many lines writing; why I believe in a Christian God rather than: say... the Greek gods, so I would need you guys to trust me that I really have strong arguments for it.

So moving on. As I grew gradually in my faith-walk I was convicted of God's existence. In the beginning it was just because that I could 'feel' God's presence, unfortunately or fortunately (depends on how you view it) as I mature in faith these 'feelings' became seemingly non-existence or probably I was 'immune' to it. And I have to be independent from these 'feelings' in order to believe in God, which was rather tough at first.

Then I heard an argument for God by a friend who gave a talk at Lifeline which goes:

Let's have this scenario. Assuming you have never seen a camera your entire life and I present you one. You look at it's complexity: the buttons, the lens, the body.. all crafted with precision. And you ask me: "Where did you get it?". I answer: "Well, I found on the ground...". Which sounded probable. And you ask me again: "Who assembled it?". This time I replied: "Well, it assembled on it's own by chance!". Would you believe what I say? Most people would say a definite "NO". Why? Because to create something as complex as a camera require an intelligent designer, ya?

Now, our human eye is far more complex than a camera. Don't you think it also need an "intelligent designer"? And who is this "intelligent designer"?

Answer: God.

That convicted me of the existence of God - BIG TIME. Since then, for me to deny the existence of God is f0r me to be either arrogant or stupid.

That's why I believe.

Update!

Dear friends,

I have yet to update my blog. But as a headstart, if you have noticed I did a major overhaul and have added an e-shop (the upper room). Check it out and post your comments here! ;) So please bear with me as I update my blog from time to time! =)

God bless.

My Struggle with Sin

As I am striving towards Christian maturity, many things have become much clearer now. For one thing, I am more sensitive towards sin; that is to say I now am convicted of things (which are not sins in the past) to be - sins. No, I ain't getting scrupulous. Some call this condition: "being sensitive to the (Holy) Spirit".

If you are thinking it's getting easier for me to be holy, let me assure you the hill to holiness has just got steeper! Somehow, EVERYDAY there will be something to tempt me to sin or at least lead me to comtemplate into sinning. Although God's abyssmal forgiveness gives me comfort, my sinful nature takes God's forgiveness for granted.

Whenever I take God's forgiveness for granted; I sink deeper into sin. Taking every opportunity to sin, accumulating filth. And it takes the fear of being judge by friends (during Holy Communion) for me to go for Confession. Ironically the motivation for me going to Confession is fueled by sin, which is - pride. It amazes me how God writes straight with crooked lines!

Confession fueled by the wrong motivation may come to be insincere or half-hearted but the grace channeled through this sacrament and received (however little) will induce a change in that person's life; in this case - me.

God is constantly molding me, helping me build better spiritual "muscles" and bear good fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) . The change might be just 0.01% a day... not much but it's at least something to work on! Hehe. ;) As I have mentioned above, it's God's forgiveness that I took for granted, but I must also add that it's because of God's kindness presented through His abyssmal forgiveness that made me turn back to Him...

It's Your kindness Lord, that leads us

to repentance

Your favor Lord is our
desire

It's Your beauty Lord, that makes us
stand in silence

And Your love, Your love is better than
life
"Kindness"; Written by: Louie Giglio, Jesse Reeves & Chris Tomlin
(C) 2000 WORSHIP TOGETHER

My Day of Judgment

Today was the Day. No, the Day of Judgment has not come rather it was my personal day of judgment - my Alevel result is out.
Got my results and it was so not good. Not that I missed just "a" mark but the levels of it. To cut it short: simply didn't make the grade.

This was what I got:

Biology - "D"

Chemistry - "E"

Math - "E"

---

Months before, I prayed every now and then to my Lord Jesus for good results; praying for straight A's (in hope that if I fail to have my prayers answered I might get half of what I prayed for... probably a B instead or at least a C) As the Day draws near my prayer intentions for this becomes lesser & lesser, until it came to a point where I wonder; would it do any good if I continue to ask God for His divine intervention since the Day (in this context: "the Day" refers to the day where I collect my results) is drawing near, my papers might already be graded?

As I continue to expound on that thought. During an inner monologue, this question came to mind:

Is it fair that God blesses me with excellent results through divine intervention, even though I did not earn the results I obtained?

This thought was being tossed in my mind. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Surely, I would like God to perform a divine intervention, and grant me excellent results I don't deserve but will it then be fair to the others (whom slogged hard for 14 months to obtain the A's)?

Anyway, as you already know. My results was disastrous. An all time low on major exams for me as an AB student since my primary years.

Yes, I was dishearten. Yes, I was humbled when my self-esteem took the blow.

Yes, I was - ashamed.

But was I disappointed with God?

No.

---

In a weird sense, I am sincerely glad that I did not get the "excellent" results I so wanted and prayed for.

Why?

Because, if God were to perform a divine intervention it would not be fair to the others (Christians and non-Christians alike) and this is not the nature of the just God that I worship and adore. For deep down in my heart, I knew of the outcome of my Alevel examination: bad results.

Although, I have tried my best but that does not obligate my God to give me straight A's nor does it give me the right to lament to God, day & night.

But I know, God hears my rants and raves not because He has to, but simply because He wants to. With that I know I am truly blessed regardless of the A's or not.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

-Matthew 28:11-

Blessed be the Name of the Lord! <><

My Amazingly Fearless Race (Write-up)

First came Survivor. Next came the Amazing Race. Then Fear Factor. Now, ladies and gentlemen behold the debut of Lifeline's first ever reality game show: The Lifeline Amazingly Fearless Race 2004!

Last Saturday at 8pm, a total of 27 'people participated in this historical event. The meeting point was at the Youth Center where these 27 were randomly picked and placed into 7 teams namely A, B, C, D, E, F & G (each team consists of about 4 members or so) After the rules have been read aloud and team leaders appointed. Envelopes containing the first clue were distributed, almost at once there was chaos! Teams were scrambling for their shoes at the entrance of the Youth Center and team leaders were yelling their lungs out for their members to make haste, as if a war just broke out.

To complete the first clue, teams were required to travel to A&W in Taman Jaya from Saint Francis Xavier's Church. An easy task indeed considering A&W was a 5 minute drive away but the only problem was the rule - PUBLIC TRANSPORT ONLY. And did I mention, that we only had until 11pm to complete the race? So teams went scouring for taxi's passing by. But at 8.40pm or so, taxis are very hard to come by along Jalan Gasing. Anyway there were some that went as far as to travel to A&W on foot.

Eventually all teams arrived at A&W, however the last team that arrived was eliminated. After giving the correct chapter and verse to Pilate's famous quote on "What is truth?" teams were awarded with the second clue, which was to travel to Petaling Street (close to Central Market) to look for the "Kacang Kopi". Which by the way, literally translates to the "Coffee Bean". At almost 9pm, the fastest way to Petaling Street was by means of the LRT. So most teams scurried off to the TAMAN JAYA LRT station to travel to Central Market.

Teams arrived at the Coffee Bean were required to complete a task in order to obtain the next clue. What was the task, you ask? Eat half a bowl of frozen pig's blood coated with pungent garlic sauce without using any utensils or hands OR alternatively, go look for a person wearing a Lifeline T-shirt shopping along Petaling Street. Considering the multitudes that were shopping along Petaling Street most teams chose to take the 'easier' way out - frozen pig's blood.
Task completed. The third clue: Travel to McDonald's Bangsar. At once team members raced out of Petaling Street. The situation was so intense that some VCD peddler's thought the police were on a raid!

In the same way, the last team arrived at Coffee Bean was eliminated. It was the third clue that reshuffled the game. The leading team for the first 2 clues was brought to the fourth place - all because they walked from Bangsar LRT station to McDonald's, while the other teams took taxis. Surely as Christ did say; "But many who are first will be last, and the last first." (Mark 10:31)
At McDonald's teams were also required to do a "Fear Factor" challenged as a pre-requisite to the next clue. Teams were allowed to choose between eating a sandwich, spread thick with wasabi sauce and to look for the postbox number of a firm among the shop lots of Bangsar.

Teams that want an advantage above others chose to eat the "wasabi-sandwich". According to some teams the "wasabi-sandwich" was innocently packaged but tasted ruthless, but there were other teams that find the taste of the "wasabi-sandwich" to be enjoyable.

Teams were immediately awarded with the fourth clue: Travel to Courts Mammoth in Asia Jaya. It was already 10pm. But fortunately unlike Jalan Gasing; Bangsar is littered with taxis. So hailing a cab was not a problem.

By 10.30pm, most teams have arrived at Courts Mammoth, Asia Jaya; and have solved the last puzzle, which was to re-arrange the letters of a minor prophet - N-E-H-E-M-I-A-H. The final awarded was this cryptic phrase: "The beginning and the end; a place" At first thought, one might guessed this phrase was speaking of Jesus, which is the Alpha & Omega. But complex thoughts aside, this phrase actually speaks of… yes, you guessed it - the Youth Center.

The game officially closes when all teams arrived at the Youth Center. The grand prize for the winning team was a hamper filled with IKEA products. Although there was a winning team but that doesn't mean there was any 'losing' teams. Every team was awarded with a prize, ranging from potato chips to bottles of milk (very practical prizes indeed) Material prizes aplenty. But the prize that was treasured most by all was the friendships forged during the game and the fellowship with one another especially with long-time pals.

Praise God.

My First Paycheck

Just to update you guys on what I have been up to these days. Well recently I had my first taste of the corporate world as a "Corporate Marketing Executive"; which involves calling a selected many of business people to offer them opportunities to sign-up for our management training programmes. A stressful job this is because not everyday will be a smooth one. And although it does not require much physical effort, it requires much mental effort especially when it comes to pitching (marketing the product). So at the end of the day, I go home tired and it's the same cycle all over again the next day. But the good news is, I received my first paycheck yesterday! Yippee! It was not much but then again being in the working world made realised a few things...

That money is truly - HARD EARNED! I never realised this fact until I started working and this made me felt guilty when I thought of the times I pester my parent to get me this and that, without considering the fact that money is really hard to come by.

That being in the coporate world - CHALLENGES MY CHRISTIAN FAITH! I used to think that "how difficult can working life be?" until I started working myself. Blessing myself with the sign of the cross and praying in public with my colleagues around me was a task that I find difficult initially. I felt that others were watching me and I was worried of how they might perceive me. In short; I was more conscious of myself than of the omnipresent God that surrounds not just me but the whole universe He created.

That there is an - URGENT NEED TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL! Don't everyone know Jesus? The answer is no. Although they might know Jesus as some historical figure but not many know that He is the Son of the Living God! As I work among my fellow colleagues everyday, this truth manifests more and more.

The solution? Look up Romans 10:13-15

"for, 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'"

Peace. <><

My Trip to Sabah

   
     Not too long ago, in the month of April, a friend of mine from Lifeline suggested that I might like to go to Kota Kinabalu (KK), Sabah for the 5th Sabah Catholic Charismatic Renewal which was to be held in the month of June. At the thought of that idea, I was quite hesitant of going to Sabah because I am not the type that enjoys conferences. But after some thought and a lot of consideration, I decided to take on the offer because I reckon that I needed a vacation anyway. And praise God I was not alone, Jude (Antoine), James, Janice and Anne were also going to KK for the conference.
 
     Apparently, there was more in-store for us. Just two weeks before leaving for KK, I was informed that we were scheduled for a trip to the interiors, which is to Kampung Wasai (in the rural part of Sabah) for a mission trip. What's more, we are to prepare a skit for the camp in Bundu Tuhan! So being the blur person that I am, I went with the flow. Although I was quite overwhelmed by what was in-store for us, I was also equally excited on the journey we are about to embark on.

    Two weeks passed and on Thursday, the 17th June at around 6.00pm we arrived in KK. We (Jude, James, Janice, Anne & I) were received warmly by our Lifeline KK friends (Felix, Walter, Jason & Melinda) and were brought to the Tanjung Aru Beach for fresh coconut juice and to feast on Char-Siew chicken wings and satay. I was famished and walloped most of the chicken wings and satay, while the others took nominal bites of food. Dinner was over and we proceeded to Sacred Heart Cathedral for the weekly cell group meeting, where members gather to pray, read Scripture, worship and fellowship. During the cell group meeting Jude was invited to give a sharing and when he was asked "why God works through self-centered faith healers"; he gave this answer:
 

"God works through self-centered faith healers not for the sake of the faith-healers but for the sake of His people that are longing for His healing touch. Just as in the Gospels, Jesus used a donkey to meet His people. Now in modern times he uses whomever that allows Him to work through. If we are not happy with the 'donkey' as in the case of self-centered faith healers, ask God to let us be a 'donkey' then, so that He can use us to work His miracles through. God puts the passion in our hearts so that we would take action and make things right."

     After cell group, we proceeded to a shop in Luyang ran by a talkative yet adorable auntie for Tuaran Mee with sweet & sour pork ribs and also Susu Leung Fan Peng (which was basically, iced evaporated milk with grass jelly), both specialties of Sabah. We had our fill and we headed back to our respective residence: Jude to Dr. Jeff's house, Janice & Anne to Gloria's house while James & I to Roddy's house. Praise God, we were very well taken care of.

     East Malaysia is very peculiar compared to West Malaysia, for one fact: the sun rises really early – at 5.30am. So at 5.30am we have the sun shining, bright & warm. The day only started at 12pm when both James & I were picked up by Donovan (from Lifeline KK) to join the rest (Janice, Jude & Anne) for brunch at Apiwon Coffee Shop before proceeding to St. Simon's Church to register for the Catholic Charismatic Renewal (CCR). The registration process did not take long and very quickly we had the whole day to ourselves! So Alister (also from Lifeline KK) decided that we should go and visit the town of KK and we were brought to Centrepoint (which was a shopping mall) and also to the Filipino Market (where tourists haggle when buying souvenirs). On the overall, our field trip was very fruitful; Janice bought extra rolls of film & a T-shirt, while I won a pair of 'Bob the Builder' size 6, cushioned baby slippers from the arcade. It had been a long day, and we were quite tired so we decided to go back to our residence to take a shower before heading for the Opening Eucharist of the CCR in Sacred Heart Cathedral.

     The Opening Eucharist started off with Chinese drummers followed by liturgical dances, which was a fusion of Sabah’s culture. The Eucharistic celebration was very charismatic – with songs derived from the our Pentecostal brethren and "free worship" (or what was called, "new song" in Sabah) where all are invited to praise and worship God in their own unique way, with either tongues or shouts of praises. That was the first time, I saw the use of tongues during Mass and it was a new and refreshing experience for me in particular. The Opening Eucharist marks the beginning of the 5th Sabah CCR Conference.
 
     On the 19th June, we had our first session with Mr. Ralph Martin and it was my honour to be graced by his presence. Although the talks by Mr. Martin were humourous as well as insightful, the reason for me being honoured was not because of that; rather it was his humility that caught my attention and earned my respect as well as many others. It is hard to imagine that someone with such a high profile like Mr. Martin is so down-to-earth. Throughout the 4 days of CCR Mr. Martin touched on topics, which were often, either overlooked or forgotten, among them are topics like: "The Judgement" and "The Call to Evangelize".
 
     A couple of days later we were all set and ready to go on our scheduled mission trip to Kampung Wasai. Unfortunately, we were told the last minute that the intended vehicle was unavailable, thus the mission trip was cancelled. Although it seemed at that time we were unable to make a mission trip, the Lord has greater plans for us to turn our trip into a mission.
Before I go on further, I would like to give a brief introduction on Freedom Camp. Freedom Camp was inspired by the Holy Spirit to the leaders of Lifeline KK and was based on Galatians 5:1 :

"For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery."    

     As this verse from Galatians suggests, the main purpose of Freedom Camp is to help others to allow God to break the “chains” (bondage to sin or addictions) in their lives. And truly I tell you this proved to be a prophetic camp.

     Friday, 25th June was the day we were scheduled to go up Bundu Tuhan (a highland very close to Mount KK). Half of the team went up during the mid-day, to prepare for the camp later at 9pm and I was one of them that went up in Roddy’s Volvo. Roddy (from Lifeline KK) was driving, Jude in the passenger seat, while Caroline (also from Lifeline KK) and I were at the back seat. The trip to Bundu Tuhan was approximately 2 hours and that made good fellowship time for us!

     We were halfway up the mountain and the Volvo overheated and the temperature meter was at it's maximum. Fortunately, Roddy took notice of that and we stopped by the nearest residence (by the road) to seek for assistance. Everyone got out of the car and took a look at the engine, lo and behold; one of the rubber pipes that were responsible for cooling the engine had a crack on it! But Praise God, we managed to had it fixed with the help from the people of the residence, which was Catholic too! As soon as the car was fixed we were on our way up to Bundu Tuhan, but a while later as Roddy observed the temperature meter - it went up! To cut the long story short, Roddy's Volvo overheated and we had to drive back down to KK, but the weird thing was… the car’s temperature remained normal on the way down! Oh by the way, did I already tell you that when we stopped at the first residence, we were informed that there was a landslide at Bundu Tuhan, and no one could pass through!
Was it all a coincidence? I think not.

     On the same afternoon Felix's four-wheel-drive had a flat tire and had no choice but to abandon the four-wheel-drive - full of musical instruments, so to hitch a ride with a descending tour bus to seek help. What’s more, Melinda's car initially failed to start but thanks be to God! After much prayer and faith, the car was on the move.

     3 problem cars and 1 landslide, we are not going to take any chances, we headed straight back to Sacred Heart Cathedral to pray against the spiritual forces that were trying so hard to stop us from going up Bundu Tuhan. The Freedom Camp team arrived at SHC at about 10pm or so and to be honest - we were all very exhausted. But even so, we prayed fervently as a family against these spiritual forces!

     I recalled that, Jude mentioned the reason why Mr. S A Tan (go figure) unleashed its minions at full force is because this camp has really important people coming for us to minister to, who will also be able to make a difference in this world! If we look at this in retrospect, it’s quite a compliment Mr. S A Tan gave don’t you think? Anyway, after much prayers and intercessions, we went back to our respective residence to take a rest, so to prepare for our journey up the mountain early morning on Saturday.

     5.30am and we started our journey up to the mountains. Praise God, by the time we were halfway there, we receive the good news that the landslide had been cleared and there was a single lane passage to Bundu Tuhan. On the way up to Bundu Tuhan, we could feel the cold mountain air on our faces and Mount KK was so close we could see the deep sharp creases on it, as well as the rushing waterfall. It was beautiful. We arrived at Bundu Tuhan safely at about 8.30am, unloaded our luggage and boarded the rooms.

     Although the leaders were somehow worried that time would be the restricting factor since the whole Friday night was lost, but that was how God made a difference – even on the first day it self. Jude conducted an "opening" worship session soon after breakfast, at first I was expecting the usual flow of worship: people clapping, dancing and to leave with a pleasant feeling. But that was not quite how the worship went.

     We started with a praise song, with all the clapping and dancing but gradually we went into worship. The worship was intense (and so was the wind, which reminds me of the Holy Spirit) and what I could remember was, a loud thud on my right and another thud on my left. When I opened my eyes, I see two of the participants lying on the carpeted floor peacefully and in my heart I was going like, 'Wow. It was not even the "healing session" and yet there were people resting in the spirit – before anyone laid hands on them' And I assure you, what you read is just the tip of the iceberg.

     Night came and we were up in the conference hall waiting for the next session. Jude went up the stage and explained that during this session, we were to write down on a small piece of paper; the sins that we want to be repentant of and nail it on the wooden cross close to the stage as an act of faith, two by two. The conference hall was lit by only the overhead projector and four tea lights. Slow and somber worship songs were sung in the background, as the participants went up two by two (while being prayed over by two facilitators). Although I was a facilitator for the camp but I was one of the first to go up to nail my sins to the cross.

     The cross was laid on the ground. On my knees, I crawled to the cross in repentance and took the nail from the side, fasten the piece of paper and pondered reflectively on my sins before I hammered with courage. It was several hard knocks before I released the hammer. Nailing that piece of paper on the cross signified my decision to turn away from sin. Two by two the participants went up to nail their sins to the cross and proceeded for the praying over. The mood was sorrowful as we reflect on the sacrifice Jesus did on the cross for us all. There was were people weeping, praying fervently, singing in silence as well as behaving nonchalantly but there was no doubt that the Holy Spirit was definitely at work.

      After everyone took turns nailing their sins on the cross, Jude went and held the cross up high and requested everyone to surround him as to lift the cross together. This I believe is a reminder, that all of us were responsible for our sins and thus the crucifixion of our Lord Jesus Christ. It was a very emotional moment and the climax was when we sung the chorus of "Above All": 

"Crucified! Laid behind a stone. He lived to die, rejected and alone. Like a rose trampled on the ground. He took it all and thought of me, above all…"

     We brought the paper-laden cross to the outdoors and stripped the pieces of paper off the cross, collect them in a metal bucket and ignite the "sinful" pieces of papers… With campers in the background singing "The Wonderful Cross". It was the Lord that made this night possible to prepare us of what was to come on Sunday.

(Oh by the way, the reason why this camp was a prophetic one is because the theme for the camp which was Galatians 5:1 was the reading for Sunset Mass. And yes, it was not planned.)

     Most of us woke up way past breakfast, at about 9am because we slept late the night before at about 1 or 2am. Breakfast lasted for half an hour or so and soon it was time for our next session with Jude, which was on Morning Prayer and the story of Daniel's three friends: Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. But the focus in this memoir I am writing is not about the Morning Prayer or Daniel's three friends, rather it was on the session afterwards; which was the "healing session".

     The healing session started off as a worship session with the flow of praise and then worship. (After I saw the power of God on Saturday morning I was very certain now He is going to send a revival to His people) There were a number of people that were quite unresponsive to the sessions during the camp and God had put a passion in my heart for one of them, which happened to be a sibling of a friend – Q.

     Q was very unresponsive as well as nonchalant even though the worship was coming to its peak. Q's lips were syncing to the words of the song but there was no sign of responsiveness. On seeing that, the Lord increased the burden in my heart and moved me to stretch out my hand discreetly towards Q at about a few feet away, to pray for Q. I was praying for Q's salvation & responsiveness to the Lord, in tongues and it was intense. I was quite a distance away from Q, but I believe that God will work through me by the faith that I have in Him.
     
      Truly, the Lord did. It was a miracle. Q broke down and was kneeling on the ground with head bowed. As soon as Q broke down, I too broke down and wept; and was praying in tongues even more fervently. My weeping was of mixed emotions, joy with sadness; joy on seeing Q being responsive but on sadness, I do not know for sure. To be honest, I was wailing more than weeping; it sounded bitter. It was my first time to wail in public.

     I am a prideful person, as I told some of my friends; if my pride was something physical, I would have blown up long ago and my body parts all over. (Hehe, to give you an idea of how much my pride was) And of course being a prideful person, crying in public was the last thing that I would do, but I guess that was what the Lord wanted me to experience so to break my pride. Strangely, instead of feeling humiliated, I felt released and comforted. I was also – healed. I am still the same prideful person as I was before - but with my pride suppressed.

It was true to what the Lord had said He intended to do:

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?" (Luke 15:4)

He touched everyone and left no one behind. 
 
     Although I came to Sabah to give, but I did also receive. I received the gift of new tongues (basically my tongues evolved) as well as healing from the Lord, blessings from the people of Lifeline KK and also new friendships. And never did I think that the Lord could minister to me while I was ministering to someone else. My trip to Sabah lasted for only 13 days. But the friendships forged and the experiences gathered will definitely last me for a lifetime.

PRAISE GOD!