This blog has been collecting dust for almost a month now. :D Here's something I plagiarize from a tract I got from Lifeline College & Young Adults Ministry entitled: 8 Simple Rules For Dating. It's based on the book "Christian Courtship In An Oversexed World: A Guide For Catholics" and Joshua Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" I think this tract is pretty cool! If you have any feedback, I'd love to read it. :)
Here it is:
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RULE #1: DON'T DATE IF YOU'RE NOT READY
Modern research confirms that our brains don't fully develop until age 25. Hold off till you're emotionally mature and financially able to enter into a committed relationship and discern marriage.
Rule #2: DON'T DATE FOR EXPERIENCE
It's healthy to develop friendships with persons of the opposite sex. Exclusive dating however, has the purpose of discerning marriage. When this purpose isn't clear, dating becomes a game where feelings get hurt and purity compromised. Experience in the game won't make you a better marriage partner. Instead, the emotional roller-coaster of intimacy and break-ups may build up instability or cynicism in your heart.
Rule #3: PREPARE YOURSELF
Do not become preoccupied looking for a life partner. Singleness is not a curse! Guard against temptation through prayer, Scripture reading and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Seek healing for emotional scars that may affect future relationships. Learn to love generously and unselfishly as your family and church responsibilities expand. Embrace singleness as a chance to serve the Lord.
Rule #4: BUILD FRIENDSHIPS FIRST
Don't rush. Don't date someone on the rebound. Take a good look at why he or she broke up from a previous relationship. If the person is a two-timer or jumped from one relationship to another because, "I didn't feel anything anymore", you're asking for trouble. Many want to play the romanticised role of the hero who rehabilitates the guy or girl but they end up getting hurt in the end.
You and I were create in the image of God and through baptism restored in His likeness. If your hormones control your head, you've degraded yourself to the level of an animal and set yourself up for future unchastitiy and marital infidelity.
Friendships take time and are built on common values and interests. If your relationship with the Lord is important, look for someone who shares that priority. Although there is no strict prohibition against non-Catholics, be aware and cautious of difficulties arising from differences in beliefs. Also, be careful of non-practising Catholics!
At this stage of relationship, expression of feelings should remain on the level of kindness and consideration as you come together as friends 2 or 3 times a week.
Rule #5: SEEK ADVICE
Find a God-fearing person of the same sex that you look up to, and go to him or her for guidance about the relationship. Family input and other's perception of the relationship are important to overcome your own possibly biased perceptions.
It's a naive product of our individualistic society to think that the family won't be involved in the relationship. Invite the other person to visit your family and vice versa. If you have to keep your relationship hidden, perhaps you already know he or she is bad news. Honour parents by introducing the person you are dating to them. Observe how the other person treats his or her own family, as it's likely to be how he or she will treat you when the romance tapers off.
Rule #6: AVOID OVER-DATING
In an exclusive dating relationship, 3 or 4 meetings in the week and phone calls every other day is find. Dropping half your life so you can be with a person every night of the week is a sign of co-dependency. Balance your life or the relationship will get smothering and stale.
Rule #7: DRAW PHYSICAL PARAMETERS
Ladies, respect yourself and set high standards. Pre-marital sex, heavy petting and kissing that lead to sexual arousal are out. Communicate your expectations. Don't submit to something you're not comfortable with. If he pressures you, he doesn't respect you; he's not interested in you but in your body. If you depend on physical pleasure to feel close to him and have not learnt how to express love in other ways, the relationship will soon fizzle out. It's an old saying that men trade love for sex and women trade sex for love. Once the guys scored, be ready to become yesterday's chewing gum.
Cohabitation, even without sex, puts yourself into temptation. If you started off as platonic housemates, move out. Never spend the night together. Even if "nothing happens", you've set a bad example for couples who may be morally weaker. You also open yourself to the accusation and scandal that Christians are morally loose.
Don't leave lots of your belongings at the other person's place which suggest you're already permanently part of his or her life. Giving each other expensive presents can also be manipulative and make it difficult for the other to really discern if you're the right person to marry.
Rule #8: AIM FOR A 2-YEAR COURTSHIP
Couples who have dated for more than 2 years score consistently higher on marital satisfaction. It lacks prudence for a woman to accept a marriage proposal from a man whom she's known for less than a year. If you're getting married for a lifetime, a few more months of waiting and discovering more about the other person will only help your discernment. Look beyond the roses and the romance to real virtues.
Ask yourself some other questions: Has the relationship led each of you closer to Christ? Can I see myself marrying this person? Would I like my children to grow up to be just like this person? Do I feel safe, honoured and respected around this person? Does this person bring out the best in me?
American sociologists find that divorce rates are lowest for those who marry for the first time at age 28 or later. Smart people don't assume that they are a special case to the general rule. Don't rush marriage because of the biological clock or because the baby's on the way.
Here it is:
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RULE #1: DON'T DATE IF YOU'RE NOT READY
Modern research confirms that our brains don't fully develop until age 25. Hold off till you're emotionally mature and financially able to enter into a committed relationship and discern marriage.
For everything there is a season under heaven
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Rule #2: DON'T DATE FOR EXPERIENCE
It's healthy to develop friendships with persons of the opposite sex. Exclusive dating however, has the purpose of discerning marriage. When this purpose isn't clear, dating becomes a game where feelings get hurt and purity compromised. Experience in the game won't make you a better marriage partner. Instead, the emotional roller-coaster of intimacy and break-ups may build up instability or cynicism in your heart.
Don't go after your lusts but keep them in check
Sirach 18:30
Sirach 18:30
Rule #3: PREPARE YOURSELF
Do not become preoccupied looking for a life partner. Singleness is not a curse! Guard against temptation through prayer, Scripture reading and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Seek healing for emotional scars that may affect future relationships. Learn to love generously and unselfishly as your family and church responsibilities expand. Embrace singleness as a chance to serve the Lord.
An unmarried person is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord
1 Corinthians 7:32
1 Corinthians 7:32
Rule #4: BUILD FRIENDSHIPS FIRST
Don't rush. Don't date someone on the rebound. Take a good look at why he or she broke up from a previous relationship. If the person is a two-timer or jumped from one relationship to another because, "I didn't feel anything anymore", you're asking for trouble. Many want to play the romanticised role of the hero who rehabilitates the guy or girl but they end up getting hurt in the end.
You and I were create in the image of God and through baptism restored in His likeness. If your hormones control your head, you've degraded yourself to the level of an animal and set yourself up for future unchastitiy and marital infidelity.
Friendships take time and are built on common values and interests. If your relationship with the Lord is important, look for someone who shares that priority. Although there is no strict prohibition against non-Catholics, be aware and cautious of difficulties arising from differences in beliefs. Also, be careful of non-practising Catholics!
At this stage of relationship, expression of feelings should remain on the level of kindness and consideration as you come together as friends 2 or 3 times a week.
Do not be yokes with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have?
2 Corinthians 6:14
2 Corinthians 6:14
Rule #5: SEEK ADVICE
Find a God-fearing person of the same sex that you look up to, and go to him or her for guidance about the relationship. Family input and other's perception of the relationship are important to overcome your own possibly biased perceptions.
It's a naive product of our individualistic society to think that the family won't be involved in the relationship. Invite the other person to visit your family and vice versa. If you have to keep your relationship hidden, perhaps you already know he or she is bad news. Honour parents by introducing the person you are dating to them. Observe how the other person treats his or her own family, as it's likely to be how he or she will treat you when the romance tapers off.
Without counsel plans go wrong, but with many advisors, they succeed
Proverbs 15:22
Proverbs 15:22
Rule #6: AVOID OVER-DATING
In an exclusive dating relationship, 3 or 4 meetings in the week and phone calls every other day is find. Dropping half your life so you can be with a person every night of the week is a sign of co-dependency. Balance your life or the relationship will get smothering and stale.
Forsake not an old friend, for a new one does not compare with him
Sirach 9:10
Sirach 9:10
Rule #7: DRAW PHYSICAL PARAMETERS
Ladies, respect yourself and set high standards. Pre-marital sex, heavy petting and kissing that lead to sexual arousal are out. Communicate your expectations. Don't submit to something you're not comfortable with. If he pressures you, he doesn't respect you; he's not interested in you but in your body. If you depend on physical pleasure to feel close to him and have not learnt how to express love in other ways, the relationship will soon fizzle out. It's an old saying that men trade love for sex and women trade sex for love. Once the guys scored, be ready to become yesterday's chewing gum.
Cohabitation, even without sex, puts yourself into temptation. If you started off as platonic housemates, move out. Never spend the night together. Even if "nothing happens", you've set a bad example for couples who may be morally weaker. You also open yourself to the accusation and scandal that Christians are morally loose.
Don't leave lots of your belongings at the other person's place which suggest you're already permanently part of his or her life. Giving each other expensive presents can also be manipulative and make it difficult for the other to really discern if you're the right person to marry.
Flee from sin as from a serpent that will bite you if you go near it
Sirach 21:2
Sirach 21:2
Rule #8: AIM FOR A 2-YEAR COURTSHIP
Couples who have dated for more than 2 years score consistently higher on marital satisfaction. It lacks prudence for a woman to accept a marriage proposal from a man whom she's known for less than a year. If you're getting married for a lifetime, a few more months of waiting and discovering more about the other person will only help your discernment. Look beyond the roses and the romance to real virtues.
Ask yourself some other questions: Has the relationship led each of you closer to Christ? Can I see myself marrying this person? Would I like my children to grow up to be just like this person? Do I feel safe, honoured and respected around this person? Does this person bring out the best in me?
American sociologists find that divorce rates are lowest for those who marry for the first time at age 28 or later. Smart people don't assume that they are a special case to the general rule. Don't rush marriage because of the biological clock or because the baby's on the way.
A patient man will endure to the right moment and then joy will burst forth for him
Sirach 1:23
Sirach 1:23
3 comments:
I have no other statements but to totally agree with your statements as it coincides with the word of God
hi celestine!
this post of yours is fantastic.Validated my principles of dating.now aint i glad i held on to 'em.But well, i guess it comes with a price..i've been unattached all my 22 yrs of life.LOL but hey..singlehood isnt a curse!cheers
Michelle: A toast to singlehood! *clink*
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