The Grudge

This evening at a family gathering over at my cousin's place, I was reminded of my mother's grudge against her brother-in-law as I see the two of them (still) not on talking terms for over 20 years. Which triggered an examination of conscience on my part, and I must confess that beneath this "churchy" exterior, I am a very bitter person. I have a chest load of grudges which I am clinging on tightly, although strangely I have mostly forgotten what started the grudge in the first place. But one thing I know for sure, these grudges that I have are devouring me one piece at a time.

As I reflect further, the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35) came to mind:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

"The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.

"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'

"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

The parable above is an allegory of what Jesus had done to redeem us from our sins. He who is sinless was crucified by those who in the first place had sinned against Him, yet Jesus bore no grudge (note: even though He had every right to), instead He said "Father, forgive them ..." (Luke 23:34) Therefore what right do we have to bear grudges? If we ask the Lord to be merciful to us, to take pity on us and to forgive our sins, shouldn't we do the same for others who have sinned against us?

I sense a major spiritual overhaul on my end. Pray for me.